scream

feel truly sad the world has lost him. Sad he died from a cardiac arrest, sad life, pressures, circus of debts bought him to this. He gave the world, generations of us so much through his music.

Feeling glum and more

Guys, all year I have hovered at 136-140 lbs & i dont know why, yet i do.

I think iv spent much of the time thinking about changing my attitude to food , you know. loving my veg, fruits, lean cuisine more than the choc, cookies and chips, pizzas, burgers.

I think i have done it, its not perfectt, im not crazy about fruit & veg. But boy i will tell u I pop a few fruit & veg portions a day, OUT OF choice not guilt. I naturally starting to eat less junk (out of guilt not choice) - my mindset has become like 1/2 , defo 3 cookies everyother day is plenty - no more. At a wedding this wknd i THINK i managed to pace myself at the eating, with the sweets I had a portion - the old me would have had 3. I did not have to go through a big mental debate, eat more, eat less etc - i just picked one of the plate & was not strongly tempted to eat another. It is a big applause moment for me. Also have managed this during a wk of lot of personal hassle going on - relationship wise - normally in these cases I would i have ate a lot of food, i didnt.

This does not mean i have not had blips - 2 wks ago i bo8 this brand of biscuits that really attract my sweet tooth - 10 in a pack - i ate the lot in the day. That was the really cheat item i bo8 on my shooping list & it is true - dont buy it, u wont eat it crap. I have been pretty good with my shopping list - packed with fruit, veg, diet coke, limited - very limited biscuits, yogurt - no fat, .

I had a difficult month of excercise - did not want to go , so i made myself go - fo8 with myself. Through out the year i HAVE managed on average to keep up 3/4 sessions of excecise a week - happy with that. I do believe i HAVE gained muscle , as i can lift more  = ,mayb contributed to lack of lb loss.

I suppose where i am now - im ready to attack, beat the diet again. Wieght loss is 95% diet & it is more crucial when u are near u goal - i know that.

I guess starting food diary again - cutting down fat , increasing the lean cuisine - eating 1-3 slices a toast most  aday focus.. that kind of stuff - to shift the pounds the healthy way. Feeling positive about this.

thanks buddies - never knew i would become so dependent on this network. x

I v been thinking about this it sucks - food should not require so much tho8. I want some chocalate … uuum i should settle for an apple…uumm… a little chocalate….uuum a lot of apple…

I can do this - which one…

Eat a choc - not feel guilty

Eat an apple & think of the body i want..

this is crazy it sucks…

So far today i am trying to understand how Im going to curb the eating .. u know many of us eat right but eat to much. Any tips on how to..

so far im am keeping up 3 solid excercise sessions a week (cardio & strengh) - end up in a sweat, plus daily 30 min jogs. Im happy with that, I feel its enough.

Food wise its down to a chocalate bar 1 every 5 days or so, 2 biscuits at most a day. A takeaway - 1 every 10 days. 2-5 fruits & veg daily. .. today so far I have ate..

Morning: 1 tea, semiskimed milk, no sugar + 2 lighty buttered brown breads = 225 calories

lunch: homemade slice of pizza + 1/4 of melon + water + 1 tea = 350 calories.

… is this bad should, ive got snack at 200 cal & eat some dinner between 2-4oo calorie today . All this is now discipline to not eat any more.

Crap thing is this is all not  enough to shift the pounds, sick of this. Lately refuse to look at the scales cos i know they will not give me the news i want. x

Christian bale is crazy - i watched the Machinist last night - he the main emancipated character in it & boy did he look ill, skinny as sick can be. The man lost dangerously 60 lbs in 6 months to meet the expectations of this role - how did he do it - he lived on tea, 1 apple and or tin of tuna a day. He looked so bad , it hurt, hurt so much.

Needless to say inspite of this hurt, i thou8 can i live on 300 calories a day - no way - before long I had grabed for a 90cal crisp packet & ate it… this is followed by the 500 cals ive had earlier.. and another 100 cals later. Wow in one way i respect the man for keeping up such a crazy discipline and hate him to cos i cant do it.

On a good note i have not resorted to crash dieting - thanks tooo you buddies and common sense loaded commets.

I dont kno whether the pounds have shifted - i refuse to look at the scale - i have managed to curb the cookie eating at 1/2 a day. I keep telling myself i dont need these suckers just like i dont need sugar in my tea.

Thanks buddys for being there.x